Negotiate
Cheeky Muffy

You want to go to the game with your friends, and you feel doom in the air. Your girlfriend always seems a little less rational and a little more irritable when you go out with the guys to a sports event. You put off telling her, hoping you'll find just the right way to tell her - or maybe she'll end up with plans that day and you won't have to tell her. Wish there was a different way to deal with this situation? There is - read on: Did you know - most women love to negotiate! They feel better in a tense situation if they feel that both parties have given something and gotten something. Compromise is the name of this game, and talking things over to arrive at that compromise makes most women feel that the guy and the gal have worked together to arrive at a solution. A lot of men come on really strong with a situation or they might try to lie their way through things. For example, you are invited to your best friend's bachelor party. This is definitely going to be one crazy drunken party. Your girlfriend reacts with jealousy - she asks about strippers, hookers... She also has a negative feeling overall. She likes your friends, but doesn't trust them. She feels that you will get into trouble of some nameless sort.

You can deal with this several ways. You can lie and tell her you won't go - but you can get caught if she knows anyone you know. You can put your foot down and tell her that you refuse to allow her to decide where you can go and with whom. This is bound to either piss her off or make her feel insecure. Try this one instead: Tell her you have to go to support your friend. Let her know that you're not going to be sleeping with any hookers or stippers. Then decide what you are willing to offer her in order to negotiate. If you live together, she knows when you come home, but if you don't, you can offer to call her - let her know it will be late - so she'll know you're okay. You can offer to take her to a movie the next day, or shopping. Or perhaps you can offer to take her to a resturant she's been dying to go to.

Don't do this as a bribe - do it in the spirit of compromise!

You plan to spend monday night watching football with the guys and drinking. You know she was hoping to spend the evening with you. Let her know that you would have liked to spend that time with her, but this is when you can hang with your buddies. Ask her what other day would be good for her, letting her know that you aren't just ditching her - you really did have something to do and still want to spend time with her as well. She really wants to go to a thai resturant, but you don't feel like dressing up. If you simply refuse, she'll be disappointed. Why not let her know honestly that tonight, you feel like staying home in your old clothes and ordering pizza. Then pick a day when you wouldn't mind taking her and ask her if that would work as well.

The important thing here is to pay attention to what she wants. Listen and try to remember the important things. You can't offer a compromise that works till you know what you want (no problem here!) and you know what she wants. Then you can offer a trade, as it were - something for everyone. This way, no one walks away from any situation feeling like they are the loser. Everyone wins.

It takes a little practice, but there is no reason you can't both get what you want - and that means less fights and more good times. After all, would you rather spend an evening arguing or getting close on the couch?